FoxNews did not die for our sins. Get over yourselves.

I got one of my degrees in Journalism. I’d like to think that it isn’t worthless. As one who will defend responsible journalism until the day I sluff off the mortal coil, I tend to get just a tad defensive when right-wing pundits immediately blame the “liberal agenda” of the media whenever they are shown in a distasteful light. News flash: your hypocritical statements, underhanded machinations, and historicized proclamations of chivalric nobility toward Mother America do that for you allllll on their own.

P.S. Chivalry, in its truest sense, is really just a misogynistic scheme to pass go and collect $200 on your way up to the Medieval concept of Heaven. If you want to rumble about this, we can do so on another blog. Just be forewarned that feminism and Medieval Studies are better than sex for me, and I have no qualms about making you cry.

Tangent aside, why the ruckus, Kara? Especially on this, the most hallowed of days?

Well, when people get in a tizzy and start hurling racial epithets at the President this country so resoundingly wanted, I get angry. You don’t have to agree with the President; I understand. That’s why we are (theoretically) a democracy (even though we’ve been raging on a two-party system for far too long and the popular vote doesn’t mean shit… lest we forget the 2000 election). But why do you think so many people are jumping on the let’s-bring-back-the-time-before-Civil-Rights bandwagon, thinking it’s okay to sling slurs and laugh about it based on someone’s skin color? Because the irresponsible media is doing it right in front of our faces. <— that would be the moment that you say something or kick the crazy old bat out of your station.

Yes, I can bash Bush II as much as I please. And no, it’s not hypocrisy. Bush is a verifiable idiot. The man struggles with anything past a monosyllabic grunt, and he creates more words than Lewis Carroll. He also contradicted himself pretty much daily, and his frat-tastic approach to everything from women’s reproductive rights to the search for those emmer-effing WMDs (stillllll lookin’…) reeks of rampant idiocy. Obama, on the other hand, should not be crucified simply because he’s erudite, eloquent, peace-seeking, mature, realistic, and faced with some of the toughest obstacles an incoming leader could possibly imagine (left by Bush II – it’s all so cyclical, isn’t it?).

Albert Bandura pioneered the concept of Social Learning Theory, which basically states that people learn by observing others; behavior is self-directed; punishment really has no impact as it leads to unpredictable results; and learning is an internalized, inherent behavior. That being stated, one can see that the major effect the media have on society occurs because the media show us how to muddle through complex behaviors. And because of this dependence, we learn societal change; the media have taken on a larger role as an institution that can be used, ideally, to improve society, instead of something that simply informs or persuades society.

Apply the Social Learning Theory to the Dependence Theory, which states that one reason the media are so powerful is because when the nature of an audience is predisposed to be easily persuaded, people will learn to rely and depend upon the media as society and conditions become more unstable. Understanding this instability means you understand the Molotov Cocktail of visual rhetoric that’s been influencing us since we first ingested sight and sound.

Intense stuff? Glad my degrees are going to good use… on my blog.

So basically, people have come to rely on the media during times of upheaval. Seeing as how our planet isn’t exactly wading through the fields of Elysium at the moment, society is directing its attention, even more intensely, at the outlets from which we glean our information. True, the concept of a 24-hour news network is fairly numskull-esque (really? 24 hours of news? is there enough news in the world to constantly maintain that high standard? no? is that why you’re showing me a “breaking story” about a bear rooting through someone’s trash can in Valencia?); but FoxNews, aka the Devil’s Playground, has taken a once-highly held journalistic standard and just shat all over it. They then dyed the shat red, white, and blue, and everyone cheers them for being so Amurrrican.

Nothing can be defined as absoutely objective. Why do you think news anchors, both male and female, are never heinous-looking, overweight, or flamboyantly gay? Everything, from the music in the intro sequence, to the jewelry that Diane Sawyer wears, to the ambiguousness of sexual identity, to the commercials shown, to the order of news stories presented, affects the “objectivity” of what is being presented. No one should claim to be “objective,” as it is a physical impossibility. Think about it: you wear a fugly ensemble, and I will judge you as being fashion-deprived. You could be Anna Wintour, but if your Cavalli is making want to vom, I’m going to call you a victim. Everyone does it, and, ever since the “news” hit the television airwaves, smart producers have catered to it. It’s common sense.

“Agenda” is not a bad word. Certain pundits like to throw it around to make themselves feel better for whatever inferiority complex they are viciously trying to overcompensate, but “agenda,” in its true sense, is not a bad word. I’d easily argue (and win) that every news organization has an “agenda,” especially when there are only five conglomerates that control all of the media outlets in the world. (FoxNews is owned by Rupert Murdoch, flaming ultra-Neo-Con and grizzled sugar daddy. Coincidence? I think not.) The word only dons a negative connotation when gatekeepers propose as much to a society that would rather glean its “news” in five-minute, dumbed-down snippets from a single source and then take it as the Biblical truth.

Like I said, I will always defend responsible media and the arts. Your child didn’t beat up another child at school because he listens to Eminem’s lyrics, he did it because he likes to set small animals on fire and you can’t accept that he might have a social problem you might want to think about addressing. (And why are you buying, or allowing your child to buy, Eminem albums when he’s eight? Come on.) 

But FoxNews and “responsible journalism” has never entered my personal lexicon, and it never shall. Did you know that Al Jazeera is banned from broadcast in this country, as it is labeled as propagandist? Did you also know that in the United Kingdom, Al Jazeera is completely allowed, yet FoxNews is banned from broadcast, as it is labeled as propagandist? Interesting. Did you know what Al Jazeera was? Quit watching FoxNews, and you may learn something.

FoxNews is blatantly right-wing. (And CNN and BBC are not blatantly liberal just because they aren”t blatantly right-wing, so quit assuming as much.)

FoxNews is not the victim, simply because a Democrat is in office now, and their petulant hissy fits are severely unappealing. 

FoxNews has a very obvious agenda, visible to anyone who takes the time to muck through their thick layer of ethical fallacy.

FoxNews is irresponsible, as evidenced by doting six-full minutes, repeatedly, to the fact that Barack’s middle name is Hussein and his last name is Obama, “which rhymes, eerily, with Osama!” (Oh, fantastic reporting. Someone deserves a Pulitzer for their gross exaggeration and consciously subliminal maneuverings. That being the case, can we then assume that Bill O’Reilly, aka Poppa Bear, is really an ultra-liberal who finds the male-gaze and the glass ceiling utterly deplorable, as he shares a last name with Leonora O’Reilly, famed American feminist? Oh, that’s right. To make that weak of a connection would be completely nonsensical, because we all know that Bill O’Reilly sexually harasses his female employees.) 

Like I said, if you don’t agree with the President, that’s fine. As long as you can maturely argue your well-researched, truthful points, then I will respect your stance and your dedication in what you believe, as I’d hope you’d reciprocate.

But, seriously. Come the fuck on. I’m glad some people are paying attention.

Walter Cronkite, I miss you.

P.S.S. Last year, while I was teaching English at Clemson University, one of my freshman students didn’t realize that The Colbert Report was satire. I about broke his heart when I gave him the memo. I’m just saying…